Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize