I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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