Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we're so committed to being not committed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize