That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
