He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
