But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
