Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
