So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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