and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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