I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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