I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
