I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
