he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
is that a dick in a sweater?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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