About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
