Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
