My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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