If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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