I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
