Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
