Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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