my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
