Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
