you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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