Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
PANTIES FOUND
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