Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
