Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she looked like the before picture.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
