Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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