I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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