Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
