Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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