i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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