Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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