you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
