when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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