He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
