it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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