mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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