I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize