I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
