When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
