just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
