I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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