It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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