If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
