just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
