wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
