Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
