He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize