I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize