haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
