Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
