Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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