but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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