Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
