My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
