ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
