I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
