I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we're making bets on your personal life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
