it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
