are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
