Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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