It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
PANTIES FOUND
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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