dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bring me that man meat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
